My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you had me at cake vodka
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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