What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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