I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
