my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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