I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
