I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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