In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
