Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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