I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
