Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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