I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
