Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
