It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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