What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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