I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
