there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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