also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize