She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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