I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
