So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
