So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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