I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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