I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
time to smoke my breakfast
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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