Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
