PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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