He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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