dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
