theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
