she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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