You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
