member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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