Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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