How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
