can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
