I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it's like heaven, but drunker
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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