I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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