everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
