You smell like stripper and shame
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
