At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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