Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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