people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
