hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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