billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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