He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
