She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
