Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
