I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
