ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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