Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
