The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Randomize
