It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
