when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
