I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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