Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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