i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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