I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
