Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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