Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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