If i come over, it means nothing
i permit you to call me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
