The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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