I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
