Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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