after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
