Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
