is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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