No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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