i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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