So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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