Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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