She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize