I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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