and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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