I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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