I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
