talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
