He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
