he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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