I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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