i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize