she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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