I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
